Perfection.

Have you ever played Perfection? The game where you sweat, fear and try your darndest to get all those little yellow pieces into the board within 60 seconds before it POPS and your heart stops. Lately, life feels a little like Perfection, and I'm going to push the stop button and breathe.

I was reading an old friends blog. (she's not old, our friendship is.) She was talking about leaving for her 12 hour day and the house was clean and perfect all ready to go for Dad and the kids. All day she heard about how wonderful their day was going and there were no problems to complain of. She later realized that by setting up their day, their house, meals, basically everything was pre-handled by good ole Mom to ensure that things would run smoothly while she was away. (FYI The house was in shambles when she returned, funny how "fine" to a Dad is chaos to a Mum.)

Why is it that I play perfection?

Here are my thoughts. I love my family so much. It breaks my heart that I can't eat with them everynight and put them into their beds to dream. Damn me and damn school. This is what I wanted. This is what I want. Who knew what a toll it would take? I knew it was going to be hard, I just didn't realize how hard. I have the best children for me. They are thriving and growing and succeeding in ways that I never did. I am positive they long for their mommy in the hours that I am not here, their notes and drawings tell me so. Heres to 500 more hours of school in hopes that we make it that far. (I know we will, it's just so far away.. yet so close.)

I don't know how some couples do it, lucky me I got Jared.

Thank you to Jared. Thank you to Gavin. Thank you to Soraya. Thank you to Caitlee. Thank you to Ella.

I have set a goal to try to be me. To realize that I have acheived what I always dreamed, that I have reached the perfection I always wanted. My fantastic, super sonic family.

So dramatic eh? Maybe it's Aunt Flow.